2019: My Year in Music
I'm on a roll, folks. I may just get this post completed before another year passes!
I've detached from old rhythms and really lots of things over the last couple years, but I think I'm finally able to start thinking about some (the good ones?) again. I had to put down this kind of writing for a while and I've missed it. It feels so good to be writing about music again.
2019 was a banner year. I traveled to 6 countries and 9 states, redesigned a website, finished a graduate program, led another Camino pilgrimage, three reading groups, read lots of books, went to not as many concerts, and fell in love...with my brother's rescue dog. I feel like in some ways I am coming back to myself, or a renewed version of myself that is more me than I've ever been. And the best way I know to tell you about it is to let others sing you the story.
As usual, they are arranged thematically. Also standard operating procedure: not all the songs were released in 2019, they were just the ones that meant the most to me this year, or that I associate with some of my favorite moments from this year*.
This song is about loving, or trying to love, your f'ed up family. The lyrics are brilliant. It reminds me just how complicated families are. Mine was/is pretty great in the grand scheme of things, but we're not without our moments of total dysfunction either. "I'm made of good wood, bend but don't break, but there's only so much middle [daughters] can take."
The Restless - The Lone Bellow
I am so very restless. This song raises significant questions for me about not sitting still long enough for anyone to have a fighting chance at getting through.
The Wind - Yusuf Islam/Cat Stevens
Originally release in 1971, the beautiful guitar intro is what caught me. It sounds just like what a nice breeze should be, musically and personally speaking, and Cat/Yusuf's voice is just so sweet and gentle. It's a silver-toned pilgrim's song.
The Quiz - Hello Saferide
To all potential suitors:
"There are things you need to know about me
I'm weak right now, so weak right now
I need proof before I dare to open this heart
So I prepared a quiz for you..."
This song is just so fun. The album accompanied me on a road trip to North Carolina and I listened to it in heavy rotation for a while. It's not the first time Phosphorescent has appeared on my year-end round up either.
Somebody's Daughter - Tenille Townes
I love how this song gets at the injustice and confusion that can come from just the sheer randomness of poverty that we see sometimes (or all the time). There are so many factors at work when it comes to what creates the life situations of the people we see on the street holding cardboard signs asking for money. But I love that Tenille takes the time to think about this woman, and imagine what her life might have been, and how it probably wouldn't have been or maybe even isn't so very different from her own.
Your Silent Face - New Order
There is a subtly beautiful poetry in this song and it goes so well with the driving beat and that steady synth chord progression. New Order has got to be one of my favorite bands of all time. To my dismay, I just discovered this song this year. But at least we did meet, finally.
Superposition - Young the Giant
Little bro and I were in a total mind meld on this one, except he chose the reprise version. I like the one with the sexier beat, obvi. There was another significant overlap in our 2019 listening, and that was Miss Maggie Rodgers, but we'll get to her. I love when he says "in any universe, you are my dark star..." like there is some sort of inevitability and yet randomness to it all.
A song about coming to terms with love for the place where home is for you, regardless of what it has held for you in your life. And then going back there, and staying there, giving yourself to it in a rooted way. There is a struggle here, but the way he comes around to it is encouraging. And I like how there's a description of being on the road too, but there is always a homecoming on the horizon.
Hot for the Mountain - Natalie Prass
This is both a fantastic song and makes me laugh every time because of Karen and I's escapades on our summit attempt of Mt. Whitney in June with record snow levels. So many things happened. Search and rescue was called. And then we moseyed on over to Yosemite, like nothing had happened. We'll take you on, mountain. Yeah, we're gonna take you on.
Chasin' Wild Horses - Bruce Springsteen
This song was released two days before Karen and I left for our annual tune up trip, which included the aforementioned mountain escapades. We arrived at Las Vegas so late at night and then had to drive 4 hours to get to Lone Pine, CA. It was one of the most memorable drives of my life, just because of the stark beauty of the desert at night. It was cold and I knew the next day it would skyrocket to over 115 degrees. Such extremes. Such wild beauty. And this song playing while we drove the open road, each of us chasing something, and we're not quite sure what.
Silver Moon - Roo Panes
When we were hiking up Mt. Whitney in the middle of the night, before the day broke we hit the first lake of the trail, and the moon was full and reflecting on the surface of the snowy glacial bowl of water. It was one of the most beautiful moments I've ever stumbled into and this song fit perfectly.
Rise Up - U2
I got a chance to go to Guatemala this year, and it really affected me. I saw a lot, and learned a lot more. I was totally taken out by the amount of brokenness and difficulty in the world, and how a lot of it in Guatemala directly relates to courses of action taken by US-run MNC's as well as the government. To me this song is about being unsure of the next steps, but walking forward anyway, with hope.
Bound - JMR
I delved deeply into Virginia's history of slavery this past year, leading a weekend pilgrimage exploring different sites related to different narratives in that history. This song sounds like an updated version of an African-American spiritual or, as they were known back then, "sorrow songs". There is a sadness in the fact that the binding exists in the first place but like Paul in Prison, there is rejoicing despite the chains because their souls never belonged to an earthly master.
Serenity (O Magnum Mysterium) - Ola Gjeilo, Tenebrae
I listened to this album on repeat every morning on the Camino in Portugal. Every time I would hear this track, anything I was looking at would be imbued with its beauty. I would see the world differently. I was invited deeper into the mystery through the beautiful, ancient words. It's nothing short of a transcendent piece of music.
The Dreamer - Che Apalache
A gorgeous bluegrass song about immigration policy in the US? Yes please. I visited the US-Mexico border in October and it was on the heels of seeing many of the townships and villages where people who end up detained at the border are coming from. We heard first-hand accounts of the harrowing desert crossings people attempt, like the one recounted in this song.
Love this chick pop rock. I also really appreciate people who will make the move, say the words, define the thing, whether it's bad or good. I'm a person who is usually in control and I often feel stuck in situations where I absolutely don't want that role, I want to see action and ownership in others to know I'm not out there on my own.
Unbearably White - Vampire Weekend
One of the best albums released in 2019 in my opinion. Strong throughout, I found this track cryptic and fascinating, inimitably Ezra Koenig's handiwork. His newfound faith is something he is clearly still trying to get his head around, and I love how this song is sort of a roundabout way of doing that.
Retrograde - Maggie Rogers
My album of 2019 hands down, no contest. My steady companion for most of the year, and enjoyed seeing Maggie perform at the Anthem in the fall.
Pools - Tim Baker
Not totally sure how I even came across Tim Baker, but what a great album and what a great writer he is. I love all the stories he tells, and the way you get to meet characters in his life through these songs. He seems like a friendly, regular dude, but so deep too. I recommend giving this whole album a listen.
Stay - Sharon Van Etten
A song about the singer's relationship with her child and mother/child relationships in general. This whole album is deeply thoughtful and sometimes hard to listen to because of that. But another powerful release, and this track really hits home with me because of the new dynamic in my relationship with my own mother over the last two years.
Make Art Not Friends - Sturgill Simpson
Greetings from the new frontiers of cutting edge alt-country music. Sturgill Simpson is always pushing the envelope with sound and genre and I love it. This album is all power, just like the sweet muscle car that revs up in the opening track "Ronin".
A strong comeback for this incredible rock group this year. I'm almost a little afraid of how much I like this song. It's got that same post-punk, in-your-face, girl-power thing happening for it, but it's also got a dark edge to it. I love the driving, dissonant sound, the heaviness of it. These chicks are badasses, that's for sure.
bad guy - Billie Eilish
Again, there is a dark appeal to this song. She talks about being in control but also about desiring chaos and mayhem, destruction. That disaffected, insolent sound is what is so interesting. The music video has notes of The Exorcist and other horror movies. It's a little scary, but undeniably catchy.
The Prince of the Hanging Gardens - Beatenberg
This song captures the ennui, the confusion, the romanticism, and the utter directionless existence of a modern-day millennial trying to make life and relationship decisions. It gets at restlessness. It's not without strong feelings, but it is like a compass spinning without a needle. The lyrics in the song are painfully self-aware and yet remorseless. It's a lethal combination, and a very realistic rendering.
Always late to the party, I have seen The SteelDrivers live, but never with Chris Stapleton at the helm. And I just came across this song this year. What a beautiful song about walking towards the end of life. I find myself ever more attuned to these songs and especially ones with such hope and desire as is on display here.
*These include, but are not limited to: that night in Asbury Park, learning to use an ice axe, driving through Death Valley in the middle of the night under a full moon, getting drenched in the spray of turgid waterfalls at Yosemite, a quiet morning sunrise in the Azores, snuggles with a pit bull, scooting around an island on 120 CCs of pure joy, bonfires, road trips to central Virginia, second-date karaoke, my brother's ordination, movies with my mother, a sunrise run in Santiago Atitlan, walking across the US-Mexico border, late night swimming and talking in perfect waters, the bungalow, reunions with old friends, wedding dancing, rooftop and porch barbeques, biking to Mt Vernon, swimming with sharks, when Bishop Guernsey knocked on the door of the new sanctuary and entered it for the first time, Jenn's fancy dinner party, Dan's fancy dinner party, my not-so-fancy dinner party, drinking too much Midsummer Solstice Gin and watching "Purple Rain" in Minneapolis, paddleboarding at Wrightsville beach and dodging jellyfish, lantern lighting, breaking oaths I don't need to swear by anymore, unleashing the power of no, two bottles of Veuve Cliquot, late night walks under the bridge, February beach retreat, dinner with my boss at a biker bar, Easter-sunrise motorcycle ride, Hallmark movie bingo, walking through vineyards in Portugal, poisson cru, and so much more.
 |
| Panajachel sunrise |
I've detached from old rhythms and really lots of things over the last couple years, but I think I'm finally able to start thinking about some (the good ones?) again. I had to put down this kind of writing for a while and I've missed it. It feels so good to be writing about music again.
2019 was a banner year. I traveled to 6 countries and 9 states, redesigned a website, finished a graduate program, led another Camino pilgrimage, three reading groups, read lots of books, went to not as many concerts, and fell in love...with my brother's rescue dog. I feel like in some ways I am coming back to myself, or a renewed version of myself that is more me than I've ever been. And the best way I know to tell you about it is to let others sing you the story.
As usual, they are arranged thematically. Also standard operating procedure: not all the songs were released in 2019, they were just the ones that meant the most to me this year, or that I associate with some of my favorite moments from this year*.
Songs that Sing Directly to Me:
The Wanting - J. Roddy Walston and The BusinessThis song is about loving, or trying to love, your f'ed up family. The lyrics are brilliant. It reminds me just how complicated families are. Mine was/is pretty great in the grand scheme of things, but we're not without our moments of total dysfunction either. "I'm made of good wood, bend but don't break, but there's only so much middle [daughters] can take."
The Restless - The Lone Bellow
I am so very restless. This song raises significant questions for me about not sitting still long enough for anyone to have a fighting chance at getting through.
The Wind - Yusuf Islam/Cat Stevens
Originally release in 1971, the beautiful guitar intro is what caught me. It sounds just like what a nice breeze should be, musically and personally speaking, and Cat/Yusuf's voice is just so sweet and gentle. It's a silver-toned pilgrim's song.
The Quiz - Hello Saferide
To all potential suitors:
"There are things you need to know about me
I'm weak right now, so weak right now
I need proof before I dare to open this heart
So I prepared a quiz for you..."
An aspirational anthem of actually being open to giving and receiving love in all its forms, imagining, perhaps, a day when administering a test to someone applying for room in one's heart wouldn't seem so... helpful. Working on making my heart less protected and more strong.
 |
| Scooting up a volcano on Pico |
Songs for the Road
New Birth in New England - PhosphorescentThis song is just so fun. The album accompanied me on a road trip to North Carolina and I listened to it in heavy rotation for a while. It's not the first time Phosphorescent has appeared on my year-end round up either.
Somebody's Daughter - Tenille Townes
I love how this song gets at the injustice and confusion that can come from just the sheer randomness of poverty that we see sometimes (or all the time). There are so many factors at work when it comes to what creates the life situations of the people we see on the street holding cardboard signs asking for money. But I love that Tenille takes the time to think about this woman, and imagine what her life might have been, and how it probably wouldn't have been or maybe even isn't so very different from her own.
Your Silent Face - New Order
There is a subtly beautiful poetry in this song and it goes so well with the driving beat and that steady synth chord progression. New Order has got to be one of my favorite bands of all time. To my dismay, I just discovered this song this year. But at least we did meet, finally.
Superposition - Young the Giant
Little bro and I were in a total mind meld on this one, except he chose the reprise version. I like the one with the sexier beat, obvi. There was another significant overlap in our 2019 listening, and that was Miss Maggie Rodgers, but we'll get to her. I love when he says "in any universe, you are my dark star..." like there is some sort of inevitability and yet randomness to it all.
 |
| Wrightsville Beach lantern release to remember our loved ones |
2019 Travel Moments
Homecoming - Josh RitterA song about coming to terms with love for the place where home is for you, regardless of what it has held for you in your life. And then going back there, and staying there, giving yourself to it in a rooted way. There is a struggle here, but the way he comes around to it is encouraging. And I like how there's a description of being on the road too, but there is always a homecoming on the horizon.
Hot for the Mountain - Natalie Prass
This is both a fantastic song and makes me laugh every time because of Karen and I's escapades on our summit attempt of Mt. Whitney in June with record snow levels. So many things happened. Search and rescue was called. And then we moseyed on over to Yosemite, like nothing had happened. We'll take you on, mountain. Yeah, we're gonna take you on.
 |
| Central VA road trip with Erica |
Chasin' Wild Horses - Bruce Springsteen
This song was released two days before Karen and I left for our annual tune up trip, which included the aforementioned mountain escapades. We arrived at Las Vegas so late at night and then had to drive 4 hours to get to Lone Pine, CA. It was one of the most memorable drives of my life, just because of the stark beauty of the desert at night. It was cold and I knew the next day it would skyrocket to over 115 degrees. Such extremes. Such wild beauty. And this song playing while we drove the open road, each of us chasing something, and we're not quite sure what.
Silver Moon - Roo Panes
When we were hiking up Mt. Whitney in the middle of the night, before the day broke we hit the first lake of the trail, and the moon was full and reflecting on the surface of the snowy glacial bowl of water. It was one of the most beautiful moments I've ever stumbled into and this song fit perfectly.
 |
| "the silver moon that shines for you" on Mt. Whitney |
Rise Up - U2
I got a chance to go to Guatemala this year, and it really affected me. I saw a lot, and learned a lot more. I was totally taken out by the amount of brokenness and difficulty in the world, and how a lot of it in Guatemala directly relates to courses of action taken by US-run MNC's as well as the government. To me this song is about being unsure of the next steps, but walking forward anyway, with hope.
Bound - JMR
I delved deeply into Virginia's history of slavery this past year, leading a weekend pilgrimage exploring different sites related to different narratives in that history. This song sounds like an updated version of an African-American spiritual or, as they were known back then, "sorrow songs". There is a sadness in the fact that the binding exists in the first place but like Paul in Prison, there is rejoicing despite the chains because their souls never belonged to an earthly master.
 |
| Morning light and serenity on the Portugese Camino |
Serenity (O Magnum Mysterium) - Ola Gjeilo, Tenebrae
I listened to this album on repeat every morning on the Camino in Portugal. Every time I would hear this track, anything I was looking at would be imbued with its beauty. I would see the world differently. I was invited deeper into the mystery through the beautiful, ancient words. It's nothing short of a transcendent piece of music.
The Dreamer - Che Apalache
A gorgeous bluegrass song about immigration policy in the US? Yes please. I visited the US-Mexico border in October and it was on the heels of seeing many of the townships and villages where people who end up detained at the border are coming from. We heard first-hand accounts of the harrowing desert crossings people attempt, like the one recounted in this song.
 |
| Greeting children in Mexico from the US side of the border wall in El Paso, TX |
Albums of 2019
Stuck - The AcesLove this chick pop rock. I also really appreciate people who will make the move, say the words, define the thing, whether it's bad or good. I'm a person who is usually in control and I often feel stuck in situations where I absolutely don't want that role, I want to see action and ownership in others to know I'm not out there on my own.
Unbearably White - Vampire Weekend
One of the best albums released in 2019 in my opinion. Strong throughout, I found this track cryptic and fascinating, inimitably Ezra Koenig's handiwork. His newfound faith is something he is clearly still trying to get his head around, and I love how this song is sort of a roundabout way of doing that.
Retrograde - Maggie Rogers
My album of 2019 hands down, no contest. My steady companion for most of the year, and enjoyed seeing Maggie perform at the Anthem in the fall.
 |
| Lower Yosemite Falls - June |
Pools - Tim Baker
Not totally sure how I even came across Tim Baker, but what a great album and what a great writer he is. I love all the stories he tells, and the way you get to meet characters in his life through these songs. He seems like a friendly, regular dude, but so deep too. I recommend giving this whole album a listen.
Stay - Sharon Van Etten
A song about the singer's relationship with her child and mother/child relationships in general. This whole album is deeply thoughtful and sometimes hard to listen to because of that. But another powerful release, and this track really hits home with me because of the new dynamic in my relationship with my own mother over the last two years.
Make Art Not Friends - Sturgill Simpson
Greetings from the new frontiers of cutting edge alt-country music. Sturgill Simpson is always pushing the envelope with sound and genre and I love it. This album is all power, just like the sweet muscle car that revs up in the opening track "Ronin".
The Dark Side
Hurry on Home - Sleater-KinneyA strong comeback for this incredible rock group this year. I'm almost a little afraid of how much I like this song. It's got that same post-punk, in-your-face, girl-power thing happening for it, but it's also got a dark edge to it. I love the driving, dissonant sound, the heaviness of it. These chicks are badasses, that's for sure.
bad guy - Billie Eilish
Again, there is a dark appeal to this song. She talks about being in control but also about desiring chaos and mayhem, destruction. That disaffected, insolent sound is what is so interesting. The music video has notes of The Exorcist and other horror movies. It's a little scary, but undeniably catchy.
 |
| A little roadside overlook in the Azores at Sunrise |
The Prince of the Hanging Gardens - Beatenberg
This song captures the ennui, the confusion, the romanticism, and the utter directionless existence of a modern-day millennial trying to make life and relationship decisions. It gets at restlessness. It's not without strong feelings, but it is like a compass spinning without a needle. The lyrics in the song are painfully self-aware and yet remorseless. It's a lethal combination, and a very realistic rendering.
A fitting end...
Where Rainbows Never Die - The SteeldriversAlways late to the party, I have seen The SteelDrivers live, but never with Chris Stapleton at the helm. And I just came across this song this year. What a beautiful song about walking towards the end of life. I find myself ever more attuned to these songs and especially ones with such hope and desire as is on display here.
Last but not least... Sexiest song of 2019
Evergreen - Yebba |
| Early sunset in Bora Bora |
*These include, but are not limited to: that night in Asbury Park, learning to use an ice axe, driving through Death Valley in the middle of the night under a full moon, getting drenched in the spray of turgid waterfalls at Yosemite, a quiet morning sunrise in the Azores, snuggles with a pit bull, scooting around an island on 120 CCs of pure joy, bonfires, road trips to central Virginia, second-date karaoke, my brother's ordination, movies with my mother, a sunrise run in Santiago Atitlan, walking across the US-Mexico border, late night swimming and talking in perfect waters, the bungalow, reunions with old friends, wedding dancing, rooftop and porch barbeques, biking to Mt Vernon, swimming with sharks, when Bishop Guernsey knocked on the door of the new sanctuary and entered it for the first time, Jenn's fancy dinner party, Dan's fancy dinner party, my not-so-fancy dinner party, drinking too much Midsummer Solstice Gin and watching "Purple Rain" in Minneapolis, paddleboarding at Wrightsville beach and dodging jellyfish, lantern lighting, breaking oaths I don't need to swear by anymore, unleashing the power of no, two bottles of Veuve Cliquot, late night walks under the bridge, February beach retreat, dinner with my boss at a biker bar, Easter-sunrise motorcycle ride, Hallmark movie bingo, walking through vineyards in Portugal, poisson cru, and so much more.
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