Ramble On

I remember at the beginning of 2024 being sure that it was going to be a year of big decisions and hard things. It definitely was. Throughout the long months, I experienced the loss of an important relationship, job angst and uncertainty, challenges in caring for loved ones, and striving too hard for a promotion I'm not sure I even wanted. I cried more tears than in the entire rest of my life combined. I mostly blame counseling for the amount and this newfound ability to access them… but not for, you know, all the stuff there is to cry about. White Sands, NM The tears do come more easily now, and that's probably a good thing, despite it being deeply uncomfortable Music always served as my proxy for feelings but now my own are slightly more recognizable to me. I'm told that's a good thing. I guess we'll see. One distinguishing factor for this year's list is the higher degree of passivity with which it was formed. I saw an abysmal number of shows, I heavily relie...

Hello again! It's early in 2025 and I am trying to catch up.  2023 was an absolute blur.  I started the year with a new job and a big trip planned and that's about all I managed to do in 2023.  I onboarded, then, in March, I went to Antarctica! It was an incredible trip, and left surprisingly little down time.  After I got back from Antarctica it was full throttle on the job, working weekends at the winery, and I didn't come up for air until the end of the year.  Me on the Antarctic Continent This year's list is quite short as a result.  I didn't have a lot of time for reflection, I mainly just had my head down and charged through.  I didn't have the bandwidth to discover many new things with starting up counseling again, trying to learn a new job and ways of working, staying involved with my family and trying to be present in my relationships. But these are a few songs that landed well throughout the year.   The Angels - Am I Ever Gonna See Your ...

I am currently in El Paso, TX, trying to gain perspective on the last few years, so it seems like the right time to try to catch up with these posts.  I've finally regained my motivation to do this and have been enjoying reviewing the songs I tucked away and never had a chance to sort, digest and mull over.  I had two flights yesterday and a long out and back drive today which gave me the time and quiet I needed to finally go through it.  I put over 64 songs on the "possibilities" list in 2022. That's a long list, even for me. I think there were several contributing factors to it being such an exploratory year:  I was in transition between my non-profit and making a move to consulting.  I pieced together employment for most of the year with jobs that weren't always full-time and stayed well within the bounds of a 40 hour work week.  I got more into my fun weekend job at a winery, and took some wine classes.  I traveled often quite often to maintain a l...

It took me getting Covid-19 to give me the margin I needed to actually bear down and complete this, 5 full months into the year.  I'm recovered, isolation is complete. I'm about to re-enter the world again.   I'm changing jobs, changing a lot of things, and trying to plan with little to no information required for planning.  But I'm leaning into the mystery and trying to enjoy the space I have for now, because time like this doesn't come around very often.   I have the benefit of extra time between the writing of this post and the selection of the songs.  I have been thinking about these songs for so long, it feels good to finally get the thoughts organized and out of me.  I finished up a big redesign on my apartment. I had a good streak going for most of the year where I spent the night of the first day of every month away from home.  So I explored some great new places and have a great new permanent space too!   A list of 20 songs...

Perhaps the best way to sum up my 2020 is to say that my world got smaller but more focused. When time is given back to you in a way you never expected it would be, figuring out the right ways to spend it and with whom are vitally important.  We're still holding our breath collectively as we wait for the vaccine to be more widely available. We're wondering about the untold long-range effects of this pandemic on our interior lives, our relationships, our governments, our economies, and many other aspects of our lives. But I will say that the pandemic sharpened my idea of what home is, helped me hone my concept of adventure, and brought immediacy and urgency to understanding the idea and necessary components of meaningful connection (like with my sweet new nephew and the rest of my immediate family, who now reside all in one geographic area.)  2020 also allowed for a concentrated study on desire, both as a concept and an effort to inventory my own. Music proved once again a re...