2024: My Year in Music

I remember at the beginning of 2024 being sure that it was going to be a year of big decisions and hard things. It definitely was. Throughout the long months, I experienced the loss of an important relationship, job angst and uncertainty, challenges in caring for loved ones, and striving too hard for a promotion I'm not sure I even wanted. I cried more tears than in the entire rest of my life combined. I mostly blame counseling for the amount and this newfound ability to access them… but not for, you know, all the stuff there is to cry about.

The tears do come more easily now, and that's probably a good thing, despite it being deeply uncomfortable Music always served as my proxy for feelings but now my own are slightly more recognizable to me. I'm told that's a good thing. I guess we'll see. One distinguishing factor for this year's list is the higher degree of passivity with which it was formed. I saw an abysmal number of shows, I heavily relied upon algorithms and soaking up recs from friends. I also desperately searched for anything and everything I could if I was out in the world somewhere and hearing a good song. So lazily collected, perhaps more of the songs should sound the same but they are still all over the map, iike usual.

I don't have much of a preamble to this year's list besides that. It was a strange year, definitely a blur. And I still don't know how to make sense of it. I still feel like I'm living in parts of it. Probably best just to get to the music.

Me At the Moment - Claire Ernst

I spent a lot of time in my youth thinking about what I should be, and what I wasn't.  This is a really fun song about a healthy perspective and reflection on the person each of us is right now.  That is, arguably, equally important to know.  There's another great song that has a line in it that goes, "how does it end when the war that you're in is just you, against you, against you." I like that she's talking about how sometimes our greatest opponent is our own damn self.  

Hard to Love - Aaron McDonnell

I heard this man's lovely voice live for the first time on a random getaway weekend in Austin, Texas.  He was playing a line dancing night at The White Horse which was such a great time.  But also, I couldn't miss what a talented musician he was that night too.  Charisma, great voice, great songwriter, and I'm told these kinds of artists are a dime a dozen in Austin.  Not bad for a random Friday night! Anyway, I took some time with the songs he's been writing and I really enjoyed this track.  I think all of us fear that we're hard to love, so hard that no one can actually do it. But I like the pursuit that drives the song. Yes, everyone is kinda hard to love. And maybe it's also hard to get past our own doubts that we're worth that pursuit from someone else. But what could be more worthy than loving someone well, in a way that puts those fears to rest. 

Appalachian Morning - Paul Halley, John Williams, Boston Pops Orchestra

Oh the sweeping sounds of a John Williams arrangement! Originally composed by Paul Halley, I love music that sounds like this.  Some of my very favorite pieces of music I can only play in singular landscapes with dramatic features and arresting beauty because there is such a spirit behind them, and the spirit must be matched by the surroundings.  These bright, colorful notes speak to the glories of springtime in Appalachia, much like Copeland's familiar ballet with a similar title, and the beautiful songs of the Kruger Brothers who are referred to elsewhere in my musical wanderings. The vibrant greens punctuated by magenta redbud branches, rolling hills, big trees, understory, overstory, and everything in between.  

Love Me JeJe - Tems

It seems like forevery ago that I lived in Martinique, where music that sounded like this was all I could hear anywhere I went.  I came away with a few songs I really loved, and I still have them in my rotation from time to time.  Tems is from Nigeria and love the sweetness of the song, the rhythm, and the nostalgic sound of places closer to the equator where everyone is always dancing in the streets and music lives so close to the surface everywhere. 

Afterlife - Sharon Van Etten

Year after year, I love Sharon Van Etten and the songs she writes.  She is OG sad girl and I couldn't be happier about it.  Her lyrics are sharp and brooding and I am always left thinking about them.  I love how the song starts with her soprano wondering about coming home, but then the verses are darker and struggling through the really difficult questions many of us are asking now. 

Don't you try to save me

Tell me I'll be fine doing what I like

Will you see me in the afterlife?

Will you tell me it'll be alright?

Will you tell me that I'll be just fine?

Will you tell me in the afterlife?

And I'll add a question of my own: Who is the you in this song? That's a question I spend quite a bit of time thinking about.  

Lover/Friend - KAYTRANADA, Rochelle Jordan

Silky smooth beats, sexy and danceable.  I am often caught in the dangerous space between friend and lover which is to risk the safety of a friend, for the potential more of a lover.  I like that this song occupies that moment teetering back and forth between the two.  It can be frustrating, glorious, sad, and I should probably stop spending so much time there. 

Veronica's Apology - Melt

This one song is why it's taken me so long to post this year's list. I basically listened to this album for a year, figured out that this song completely described my most recent breakup, and every time I would listen to it, it would destroy me because of how spot on it was. And then I would take up all the questions and wonder if I'll ever get it right.  When we could live forever if we never get better...still kills me. Though, to overinterpret a bit, perhaps its overall hopeful sound means that it can be the right thing and the hardest and worst thing at the same time. 

Gimme the Beat Back - Jill Andrews

A good follow-up to Veronica's Apology because it is a comforting thing when you start to fell yourself coming back after a really hard breakup and all the questions it raises.  This isn't a twenty-something rebound song, this is a forty-something rebound song.  I identify with that, and I'm deeply grateful I have a self to come back to, such as she is.  

New Song - Howard Jones

Released when I was barely alive, it seems ahead of its time in terms of message.  Don't crack up, see both sides, throw off your mental chains.  Those are words to live by in this day and age.  And can't we all get on board for that incredibly infectious 80's new wave keyboard riff?  I could listen to it over and over.  I lives rent-free in my head for days after it plays.  I like that there is a steady drumbeat behind it as well, a sort of march towards being counterculture and standing against the insanity we can all fall into too easily. 

Glory Strums (Loneliness of the Long-Distance Runner) - Hiss Golden Messenger

I've been a runner for 30 years. My longest runs are where my best questions get asked, when my thoughts come, my prayers for others flow, my reflections crystallize, and my loneliness feels somehow powerful.  I can't run regularly in groups I cherish the long solo run way too much.  Listen to the steady rhythm, listen as his thoughts unfold with the scenery slowly passing by...this is what it sounds like my solo runner's head.  Long distance runners understand this song.  Also recommended to understand long-distance runners: What I Talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami. 

The Moth & The Flame - Les Deux Love Orchestra

I don't think I've ever heard lyrics so perfectly describe what happens in that dance when deciding to descend into madness.  It should surprise no one that Aimee Mann wrote this song. "Nothing fuels a good flirtation like greed, and anger, and desperation...no, the moth don't care if the flame is real." What makes us go towards the things we know will ultimately destroy us, and so willingly? The allure of the flame is so strong in the moment.  This song is a haunting reminder of what that journey can be like. 

Specks - Matt Pond PA

This artist came back to me in a big way over the last year.  I've really loved listening to him again and some of the very beautiful songs he's created. His songs about the night sky are some of my favorite and this is one of his best.  It's sweet and sounds like autumn and good things and it cheers me when I listen to it even though while it is lovely, I think it has some undertones of darkness of as well.  That's my favorite, where the dark and the light interact. 

Low Rising - The Swell Season

First off, let's talk about that tuba and the brass section woven into this song.  The beautiful piano part that the aching guitar solo sings over? Ugh, it's such a gorgeously layered composition. Glen Hansard's passion singing the last-ditch effort of someone to save something he cares about.  He's out of ideas, clearly doesn't know how to fix it, but he's diving in anyway.  I have to admire that.  And the song is kinda sad, because you don't know that he will. I know it didn't work for me. But the point is, here, where there is love, to try.  

Long Way Home - Myriam Gendron

This could be a reimagined sea chanty, a song about death, or just a musing about being scared and wanting to find a safe place. It's kind of a song within a song, and her low voice singing the sad song she promised to write in the opening verse caused me to stop and listen to it.  Sometimes it's too slow and I almost cut it from this list many times, but it kept coming back because there's something about her voice that gets me each time I listen to it.  

A Reincarnation of a Lovebird - Samira Joy

This song begins and ends with the astoundingly beautiful introduction sung a capella by this towering talent.  But then the music comes in and it just gets better and better.  It builds, and softens, then builds again, just like a bird's flight might look like if you traced it on the wind.  It takes you such an amazing journey of sound, I feel like it could never be boring with all the interesting rhythm changes, and then there's that voice again.  

hi grace - Dominik Fike

A chill finish to this year's playlist.  I have my colleague and audiophile, also named Grace, to thank for a lot of great new music coming into my life. I don't really know where life is going, and I'm a little old to be saying that. And I didn't know where this song was going when it first started.  It was an unexpected gift, in a really good way.  And I think that's kinda how I'm trying to see my life most days.