You can't triple stamp the double stamp, Lloyd!
I'm sitting at my cubicle processing some expense reports and my cube mate, who is, admittedly, a little crazy, is REALLY selling it today.
Cubemate sleeps at her desk, regularly plays games on her iPad, keeps a personal journal of my internet activity and that of my colleagues, and comes in at least 20 minutes late every day. She knows people, and teaches the Qur'an to the diplomats' kids, so she's got impunity. In this culture, it's all about who you know, or "wasta" in Arabic. I have heard it jokingly referred to as "Vitamin W" in interactions with authorities all too familiar with the power of this vitamin and how rules disintegrate in its presence.
But today, Cubemate has decided that she needs people to know that she is sick. I mean really suffering - infested, even. Generally I have found her sickness to be most pronounced on the eve of a holiday weekend, or perhaps around a vacation she is taking. The severity of her illness display at work is rooted in, I opine, the amount of incredulity she would have to overcome were she not to show up for work the next day. I see her flagrant sneezes and operatic nose blowing as a way of setting up a sick day. To make the call to HR the morning of that much easier to send through the uprights. Look at that! She left early for the day... It's GOOOOOD!
Her sneezes and the other sounds coming from her cube today are enough to drown out even Phoenix's new album which I am trying desperately to use as a sound baffle. I found solace in this piece of knowledge: there have to be things that sound worse than this. So, here is a list of the most annoying sounds in the world, according to a study published in the Journal of Neuroscience in their October 2012 issue (source: Smithsonian science blog, October 16, 2012 http://blogs.smithsonianmag.com/science/?p=12540)
Their top ten most irritating sounds, with links to audio files for the worst five:
1. A knife on a bottle
2. A fork on a glass
3. Chalk on a blackboard
4. A ruler on a bottle
5. Nails on a blackboard
6. A female scream
7. An anglegrinder (a power tool)
8. Squealing brakes on a bicycle
9. A baby crying
10. An electric drill
And the four they rated as the least irritating:
1. Applause
2. A baby laughing
3. Thunder
4. Water flowing
Read more here.
Cubemate sleeps at her desk, regularly plays games on her iPad, keeps a personal journal of my internet activity and that of my colleagues, and comes in at least 20 minutes late every day. She knows people, and teaches the Qur'an to the diplomats' kids, so she's got impunity. In this culture, it's all about who you know, or "wasta" in Arabic. I have heard it jokingly referred to as "Vitamin W" in interactions with authorities all too familiar with the power of this vitamin and how rules disintegrate in its presence.
But today, Cubemate has decided that she needs people to know that she is sick. I mean really suffering - infested, even. Generally I have found her sickness to be most pronounced on the eve of a holiday weekend, or perhaps around a vacation she is taking. The severity of her illness display at work is rooted in, I opine, the amount of incredulity she would have to overcome were she not to show up for work the next day. I see her flagrant sneezes and operatic nose blowing as a way of setting up a sick day. To make the call to HR the morning of that much easier to send through the uprights. Look at that! She left early for the day... It's GOOOOOD!
Her sneezes and the other sounds coming from her cube today are enough to drown out even Phoenix's new album which I am trying desperately to use as a sound baffle. I found solace in this piece of knowledge: there have to be things that sound worse than this. So, here is a list of the most annoying sounds in the world, according to a study published in the Journal of Neuroscience in their October 2012 issue (source: Smithsonian science blog, October 16, 2012 http://blogs.smithsonianmag.com/science/?p=12540)
Their top ten most irritating sounds, with links to audio files for the worst five:
1. A knife on a bottle
2. A fork on a glass
3. Chalk on a blackboard
4. A ruler on a bottle
5. Nails on a blackboard
6. A female scream
7. An anglegrinder (a power tool)
8. Squealing brakes on a bicycle
9. A baby crying
10. An electric drill
And the four they rated as the least irritating:
1. Applause
2. A baby laughing
3. Thunder
4. Water flowing
Read more here.
I don't know if Cubemate's sneezing (she actually stamps her foot with each sneeze) and manual expectoration would be as bad if they weren't SO LOUD. I took the liberty of recording a few nose blows with my phone in the hopes of being able to share what I'm up against. I recorded it from my desk thinking this will provide an accurate sample of what we heard from her afflicted 10am arrival to her tragicomic departure at 1pm when she just couldn't take the suffering any longer.
And to tie it all together, I have to post 2 of possibly the best minutes of on-screen comedy of all time from one of my favorite movies:
And to tie it all together, I have to post 2 of possibly the best minutes of on-screen comedy of all time from one of my favorite movies:
The noise that Jim Carrey came up with for this scene is one of the funniest things on planet earth. Hope your Tuesdays are less mucus-filled than mine!
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